Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
