I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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