How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
