Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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