i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
