if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
