Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
