We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
