He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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