any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
