I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
