whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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