He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
