She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
