so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
