Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's rum buckets o'clock
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
