Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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