You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
