why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
