toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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