There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
this hospital has no fireball
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
