dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
