I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
