My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
