She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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