I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
