So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
