if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
