I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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