I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
