I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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