That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
