this beer tastes like vomit already
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
