it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
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There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
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He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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