Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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