I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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