We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
