you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
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Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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