Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
