wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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