Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
