um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
