New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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