Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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