I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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