im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
