im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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