____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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