I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
