So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
