I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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