Moan for me like Helen Keller
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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