i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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