Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
