This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
