Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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