He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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