i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
oh god the rape fog is back!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
