yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
