If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
