the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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