If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
