if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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