how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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