Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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