The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
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Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
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I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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