the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize