I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
