whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
