you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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