I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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