youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
