just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
