So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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