so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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