Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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