He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
