I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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