I skipped work to stalk him.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
