I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize