You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
