he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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