Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
