this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
