i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
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entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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