What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
