p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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