somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Say something about gay babies.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we're making bets on your personal life
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
