I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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